Editing business documents for simplified, plain English

TENDER DOCUMENTS
One of the most crucial documents in a business is a tender document.

Are your potential clients forgiving if they see errors in your documents? Would you be forgiving if a potential employee gave you a resume filled with errors?

Your potential customers are the same - they assume that if you can't get your tenders correct, then what else will be wrong?

Below is a sample of clumsy text in a tender transformed for easier reading.

Original Copy
Landco together with ABC Homes has designed and built a range of Eco-Living Display Homes which showcase a range of sustainable and green products, features and designs that are current best practice.  This includes achieving anywhere from 6 to 8 star ratings depending on features such as using recycled material and environmentally friendly products, right up to generating zero emissions.

With a slight rewrite, the paragraph is immediately more readable - note the insertion of commas, shortening of sentences, explicit ideas in each sentence, and breaking into two smaller paragraphs.

Also note the use of quotation marks to indicate jargon, and rearrangement of sentences to clarify the ideas - and the use of hyphens to extend a sentence.

Edited Version
Landco, together with ABC Homes, has designed and built Eco-Living Display Homes. These buildings showcase sustainable and green products, with features and designs that are currently "best practice". 

Based on the use of recycled material and environmentally friendly products, these homes achieve between 6 and 8 star ratings - indeed, some of these ‘new-age’ homes generate zero emissions.

Your website needs to be carefully written and designed to assist reading-challenged visitors.

  • up to 70% of your visitors find reading a struggle
  • 60% of your visitors prefer video to reading

Are you confident that your customers cab easily read your website? If visitors are "bouncing" from your site within a few seconds of arrival, it generally means that they are struggling to read your site.

What does research tell us?

  • 70% of website are written by non-expert writers
  • sites using non-expert writers have a "bounce rate" 63% higher
  • Visitors allow 8 seconds to establish whether the site is relevant
  • Google refers visitors to any relevant page in your site, not necessarily your home page

The result?

The vast majority of sites are written by non-experts. The websites are difficult to scan & read and visitors rapidly  "bounce" away to another site.

  • When visitors Google your site they may end up at any page. Unless every page is written as a summary of your business, visitors will not rapidly understand what you do.
  • Moreover, repetition is the essence of advertising. You cannot repeat your main theme often enough.
  • Every page should contain your "elevator speech"  - your core competitive offering (unique sales point) expressed in 20 words or less.

Consider Video

If you have an important message - like your "unique selling point" - then consider video.

Not an expensive video, but a slideshow with voice. This provides the core information both on screen and spoken.